Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Scout Party

Today the Bear Cubscouts and the Wolves had a scout party.
They played on the bounce house, broke a Minion piƱata, and ate pizza, chips, candy and pretzels.

I think the boys had a whopping good time.
Now I'm one tired mamma ready for a night of slumbering soundly in my bed. :)
On a lighter note - Do you think we have enough toilet paper in our bathroom?
I don't think we are going to run out any time soon!

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Moving Forward

My sister-in-law texted me today:
"Is normal resuming for you?"
Normal? What's normal?
When a baby is born or someone special in your life dies, there's no more normal . . . just a new normal.
I still miss my sister, but I know with time it will get easier.
Thankfully and sadly, Daddy knows what I am going through because he lost his mom when he was 17 years old.
Last night Joyanne had me sing "Once I had a Little Sister" to her for bed.
"Once I had a little sister with brown eyes and shiny hair.
A playful pretty little sister gaily dancing everywhere.
Out in the garden we spent many happy hours,
Reading, singing, playing, working, tending beds of plants and flowers.
Came one day our cousin, Lily, having leave to spend the day.
And I thought my little sister was too young and in the way.
Coaxing and chiding would not make her leave us free,
And as I stole off with Lily, she was sure to follow me.
So I sharply scolded Mary who would not agree to stay,
Then I quickly turned and struck her, and, in haste, we ran away.
"Sister, oh, sister, wait," she cried, "oh, wait for me."
But we only ran the faster 'til so far she could not see.
Thus we rambled through the valleys, picking flowers and blossoms gay,
And our lips were stained with berries through the long sweet Summer day.
Hillside and meadow, we two traversed with delight,
When the shade grew long, we parted with a kiss and fond goodnight.
But the morrow brought me sorrow, darling Mary could not rise.
Oh, the burning hands and forehead, parching lips and heavy eyes.
"Sister, oh, sister, wait," she cried, "oh, wait for me."
And I thought my heart was breaking while for tears, I could not see.
Thus she raved both night and morning, ever calling me to stay.
And the fever slowly wasted her sweet form and life away.
Sister, oh, sister, I am grieving day by day,
For that darling little sister whom I struck, then ran away."
The tears streamed down my face as I thought about my sister.
I know faith and hope will help me through.
Support and love from friends and family has also helped.
The temple really lifted my spirits and inspired me.
Daddy took the boys to library reading time today.

Our new puppy, Mira, has been a great comfort to all of us.
She brightens our lives and makes us laugh.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Tired and Connected

Sleep can't come soon enough to all of our tired bodies.
The kids went right to sleep when we pulled in late to our home tonight.
My eyes are drooping now as I type.
We had so much fun with cousins, siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents.

I feel closer to my brothers and sisters than I ever have before.
I hope we can always stay close.
Having this little 12 week old puppy is like having a baby.
She's gotta eat every 4 hours and use the bathroom every 4 hours.
Trying to potty-pad train her has been challenging.
Potty-training is tough whether it's a child or puppy.
The puppy, whose name we changed to Mira, is very comforting and the kids have enjoyed playing with her.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

My Sister's Funeral

The funeral for my sister, Ann, was today.
Tears flowed freely as I said goodbye to my sister's body.
I miss her so much.
I was hoping to have more time with her on this earth.
I was hoping to strengthen our sisterly bonds and have more wonderful experiences together.
I was asked to speak for just one minute about my sister.
I couldn't come up with the right thing to say so I wrote a poem about and for Ann.
My Sister, Ann
I love my oldest sister, Ann.
Her tender smile cheered every man.
She gave her all to the very end.
She was my sister and my friend.
Ann loved her children through and through.
Jacob, Katherine and Karina loved her too.
She deeply loved her husband, Dell.
He also cherished Ann very well.
She liked to cook and color and sing.
She liked to do a lot of things.
Ann cheered up many who were feeling sad,
Even when she, too, felt bad.
Her life was hard with many trials.
She kept on going for miles and miles.
Many times she just didn't want to go on.
We miss her now that she is gone.
Life continues on when we die.
We will see Ann as long as we try
To do our best and do all that we can.
I love my oldest sister, Ann.
I look forward to the day when I will get to see Ann again.

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Viewing

Tonight was my sister, Ann's, viewing.
I helped earlier in the day to dress her body.
My sister and I painted the fingernails.
We learned a lot about embalming.
I miss Ann.
I miss her contagious laugh.
I miss her caring spirit.
I miss her sweet nature.
I miss my sister.
It was nice to see family and dear friends at the viewing.
The video my other sisters made about Ann was touching.
It showed the happy moments of her life.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Sick and Poppy

James went to bed last night with a fever.
I was supposed to leave for SLC this afternoon, but he was still fevering today.
When I took him to the doctor, he was concerned because James right side of his stomach was hurting as well.
He thought appendicitis.
After another afternoon visit to the doctor, we found James to be just fine.
After the doctor we brought home a surprise!

Yes! Crazy me, we got a new puppy.
A yorkie, maltese, pom mix.
She's 12 weeks old and we named her Poppy.
Amidst the sadness of my sister's death, I am grateful for a comfort of happiness.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Waves of Grief

Waves of grief hit me yesterday and today as I thought about my sister, and that she is gone.
I am comforted to know she has gone on to a better place and can continue to progress.
I am grateful for the Plan of Salvation.
Plan of Salvation
I am also so grateful for the Atonement and that Christ paid for all our sins.
I can't wait to be an eternal family and see my sister in Heaven.
Our family has had quite the spiritual experiences lately.
The veil feels thin at times.
I have found strength in talking with my parents and brothers and sisters about my sister who died.
With any given situation, a person can turn bitter or better.
You can pull away from family or draw strength from them.
This has been a great bonding experience with my family.

Monday, April 21, 2014

She Died

My oldest sister passed away at 12:27p.m. today.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Happy Easter!

Despite the craziness of our life right now, the kids were excited to wake up this morning and find their Easter baskets.
Church was enjoyable with cousins.
We enjoyed reflecting on the true meaning of Easter and thinking about Christ's sacrifice and atonement.

Jesus rose from the dead on this day.
Today my sister lay in the hospital bed and opened her eyes.
It's been a week since we've seen her eyes.
She doesn't appear all there and still doesn't respond very well or much at all to commands, but she DID open her eyes.

After much fasting and prayers, we have just a glimmer of hope.
Tomorrow are the tests and the doctors will give their opinion of what should happen with her.
Then, we'll see!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

A Forever Family

Today was one of the most memorable days of my life.
All 11 of my siblings and parents were together.
It has been a VERY long time since we have all been together.
We met at the hospital and discussed my oldest sister's grievous situation.

Ultimately my parents and her husband will make the final decision on Monday morning to either have a tracheotomy or remove the breathing tube from her throat and let nature take its course.
Each of us were given the opportunity to share thoughts and feelings about the choices and happy memories with our dear sister.
There were many touching moments and lots of love was expressed and felt.
Though my sister's life has been very difficult, she has left fond memories in all of our hearts.
My dad stated that we should continue to pray for our sister to get well and that the Lord's will be done.
He reminded us that the Savior asked for His cup to be removed, but that He would fulfill the Father's will.
We are praying and tomorrow we are fasting for a miracle.
After our talking, we all went into the ICU around my sweet sister's bed and all my 8 brothers and Father leaned in and gave my sister a blessing.
My eldest brother was the spokesman.
The blessing was too tender to share here, but suffice it to say, it was amazing and we were given hope, lots of hope, for a miracle.
Now to put our fasting, faith, and prayers forward and let my sister's agency do the rest along with Heavenly Father's will.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Silver Linings

My sister continues to be unresponsive, dependent on the breathing tube and sedated.
While the situation looks grim, many silver linings have come as a result.
There is good in every bad or difficult situation.

We have been blessed by the hospitality of family to take us in and feed us while we are here.
The kids have enjoyed playing with their cousins all day.
Today I grieved a little for my sister.
Tomorrow each of my siblings and my parents and my sister's husband are all meeting to discuss my sister's life.
All 11 of us siblings will be together.
It will be a picture perfect moment, except my sister will be lying in a hospital bed down the hall.
My heart aches for her, and I miss her.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Decisons to Make

The kids and I drove back to Salt Lake this morning.
I visited my sister at the hospital who is not in the best condition.
She is not improving, but lays in bed with a ventilator and other IV tubes.
She hasn't woken up yet and her body only moves in reaction to the tube going down her throat.
After my dad talked with the Neurologist today we texted this message to close friends and family:
"The next few days are critical in Ann's healing and in determining the will of Heavenly Father whether he wants her to continue in this life or the other side of the veil.  Your thoughts and prayers are important.  There will be additional testing this Saturday and Sunday by the doctors and a decision will be made regarding her well-being Sunday afternoon after consultation with family and doctors.  Please feel free to share this with others.
From, Dad"
Tonight my 2nd oldest sister called to tell me that the tube in my sister's throat went crazy and they had to do immediate throat surgery on her.
The surgery was a success and they got her resting peacefully again.
It is difficult to see my sister lay on the sterile hospital bed day after day, not responding at all.
My heart aches for her and I pray the Lord and His angels will watch over and bless her.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

My Sister's Struggle

I spent the morning with my sister in the hospital.
Her condition hasn't changed much.
She is still unconscious, on a breathing machine, with a slight fever and pneumonia.
I keep praying for her and know the Lord's will may be done.
It's discouraging at times, but I try to keep my faith and hope up.
I loved coming home tonight and spending time with my family.
We went to the rec center and had lots of fun swimming and playing.

Tomorrow it will be back to Salt Lake to look in on my sister at the hospital and spend time with family.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

A Life Worth Living

This life, despite all it's difficulties, is worth living.
My oldest sister struggled with that thought on Saturday night.
I rushed 3 hours to the hospital on Monday morning to find my sister lying in a hospital bed with tubes going down her throat and IV's all over her.
I sat all day with her today, hoping and praying that the Lord's will may be done.
She has a long road ahead of her.
I love her so much.
Daddy has been wonderful to take care of the kids these last 2 days.
They went hiking nearby home on Monday afternoon and played in the bounce house.

This afternoon they went to "Remember the Maine" Park.

Daddy is really enjoying his time with the kids since this weekend he won't be able to with having to work.
I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to visit with family and have connected with a lot of them while sitting in the waiting room.
This incident has taught me to value life and loved ones.
I am grateful I could be there for my sister yesterday and today.
She is not coherent yet, but she has moved around uncomfortably.
We are patiently waiting for her to wake up and see what damaged may be caused to her internally.
My prayers continue to go out to her.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Family Home Evening

We had Family Home Evening tonight.
Joyanne gave the lesson on the Atonement.
We watched Lifting Burdens.
 We were touched and felt the Spirit.
Afterwards we had a yummy treat.

I love going to church and feeling the Spirit.
We had fast and testimony meeting today and I was able to bear my own testimony.
How grateful I am for this gospel, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I am so grateful for the Savior and His atonement and resurrection.
I am grateful for the temple where families can be sealed together forever, not just in this life, but eternity.
I am grateful for a committed and very loving husband who cares and loves our family as much as I do.
I am grateful to be alive at this time.

Saturday, April 12, 2014


My kids can't get enough of the movie, "Frozen".
And when friends come over, well, guess what we watch?

We had a rocky afternoon, but the evening went well.
Joyanne performed 2 piano solos had Federation Festival in front of judges and she was awarded a "Superior" rating.
Way to go, Joyanne!!!